I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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