I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
