Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
