I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
