Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
