Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
