I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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