Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
