Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
