You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
