Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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