I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
