hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
People in love make me want to vomit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
