Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
