Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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