capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
