just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
