She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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