it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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