That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
