fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
