Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
