I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
