you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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