I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
