Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
