My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
