sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
