My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
