Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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