I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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