Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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