somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im six kinds of drunk right now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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