TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
