At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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