Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize