This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
