this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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