hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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