I want to have your abortion
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
