is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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