The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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