im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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