dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
