I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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