Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
