ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize