I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
