I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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