I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
