i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I forget how to act sober
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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