how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
