So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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