Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He felt like a one man threesome
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
