we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
