I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
