I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
