He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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