I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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