Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
