if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're a disaster
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