If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
