i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
