Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
