So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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