ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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