So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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